9-10/11/2010
I wanted to quit after a month I was there.
Son was happy to be in that office only when Sara left me (2 years ago) because the work did shit for me, occupied my mind.
Then when I started to recover, to think only of the work and not think only of working to not think of anything else, began a relentless shooting.
"no results"
"I'm not happy"
and down over wood.
made me do what I hated more, a constant annoyance. Some would call it bullying, for me was just evil.
doing so, however, I learned more and more things, more things I knew and everyone called me, I tried, I delegate responsibilities that I did not know because I did not manage time, I did not want, not wanted.
threw up every morning at ten to eight. I was brushing my teeth then go to work. With my
not speak anymore.
I feel entitled to get drunk not to think. I came
white hair and was neither smoke nor the years.
Once I came back home so frustrated that I was panting, I fainted, I was filled with tranquilizers and for two hours I could not speak.
I have buffered the truck and took dell'imbambito before the whole company.
I was walking in Pesaro, always with the truck, I took the donkey. I did
column of 20 kn in Bologna on Friday night that more than once I began to cry while I was there.
I had to send the mail to people who worked with me because otherwise they said they did not know, I said that I had not said anything, blamed me for everything.
not sleep, even on Saturday or Sunday.
I was in Tuscany for the Saints and the bridge one night I woke with a start because I had a nightmare, I had dreamed about him that I fucked up. There was something wrong, it was no longer the case to be ruining his life, especially if at that moment I was at the side of a wonderful girl and my mind (I can not check for integer) I refers to something else.
I made a leap in the dark for another job because I do not have.
I'll have to bite the bullet, go to the drum, just drink a long island and not five, leaving the less, be less at the stadium.
But whether this choice now or I would not have ever made.
It 's a banality, but life is one, and I in 35 years so, when maybe I will not have the ability to change things when I do not have the strength, when the habit has prevailed on the happiness, I wanted to get there.
all'Eliz When I said that I was afraid of running out of money, to be a burden to my family, she said: "You did not understand. For You your are a burden now. "
When Sara left me sms me in advance to what yesterday was my status on FB. " This is a day that, for better or for worse, I will remember for a lifetime. "I made my
this sentence because only yesterday I understood completely.
Because every time you should start from scratch.
None of us foresee the future, but to drag when you're not good is only harmful, sooner or later head reacts, and reacts in an uncontrolled and uncontrollable.
And I will remember for a lifetime yesterday when, once signed his resignation, I sat on the chair and my ex without thinking about anything I started to weep joy, happiness, as if I had gotten rid of an enormous weight, as if I had a burden to bear, as though I had eradicated cancer and, last but not least, without the fear that they could bring others to me. Why pain is transmitted, is the ugly.
If I'm wrong, sooner or later, more or less (depending on who is more or less close to me), someone else is hurt. My parents, my friends, people I love.
And share the pain and hope that loved ones will accept in its entirety, understand that the package-Zeman there are shadows, share the pain and evil is selfishness.
I remember all my life because when we want, it takes, as I wrote to Anna, and fuck you if you do not have a crystal ball to predict what will be, if in a month I find a new job in six months if I'm still walking, if I open with a Max farm where, to differentiate, to use 5 dogs acrobats.
I had trouble falling asleep last night.
Not because I think I did wrong, but because the situations you miss, you know that this place does not see him ever again, and have given him three years of your life.
Whatever.
When Sara left me (I have often said in this post, but people's lives are measured on the basis of the crucial moments, it is as if they were "unprecedented" stones for comparison) I thought would not make it, I thought I would collapse on the world.
Calmly I came out of it. And maybe now is better than has ever been a time. Perhaps his decision has benefited everyone. That day has become crucial for me, in evil before the good then.
Maybe it will be so even now, for the choice I made.
's all.
Yesterday I had the last indecisone not deny it. Then I
imbattutto by chance (?) In this poem.
Ode to Life
slowly dies who becomes the slave of habit,
repeating every day the same itineraries, who does not change the march
,
who does not risk and change the color of the clothes,
does not talk to those who do not know.
He or she who shuns passion, who prefers
black on white, dotting the "i"
rather than a set of emotions,
the kind that make your eyes sparkle,
that turn a yawn a smile,
those that make the heart beat
face of mistakes and feelings.
Slowly dies who does not overthrow the table
who is unhappy at work,
who does not risk certainty for uncertainty to follow a dream, those who do not
allow, at least once in your life, run away from sensible advice.
He or she who does not travel, who does not read
,
does not listen to music,
who does not find grace in himself.
Dies slowly he who destroys self-esteem, who does not accept help
who passes his days complaining
of his bad luck or the incessant rain. He or she
who abandons a project before starting it,
who does not ask questions on subjects he does not know
who does not answer when asked about something he knows.
We avoid death in small doses, remembering always that to be alive
requires an effort far greater the simple act of breathing.
Only a burning patience
lead to the attainment of a splendid happiness.
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